How to de-motivate yourself
Imagine an escalator going down. Now imagine yourself trying to walk up that escalator, trying to reach the top but never getting there because each step you take, you stay in the same place. Your destination never gets closer. It’s a never-ending struggle.
I saw a post on Instagram the other day which read:
"Sobriety is like going up the down escalator. There is no standing still in recovery. You are either working on your sobriety or feeding your disease."
This made me shiver. There were a few responses and likes to this post which suggested that some people were buying into it and believing that this is what sobriety is like. If such a negative picture is painted of what it’s like to live life sober, no wonder some people struggle with it and run away from it.
Who wants to be climbing up a down escalator for the rest of their lives?
This seems to me like a never-ending task which is never going to get you to your destination.
The quote suggests that being sober is hard work that’s never rewarded. That you’re putting eﬀort into getting to the top that’s never paying oﬀ. Secondly, it implies that you’re always working – that you’re always having to focus on being sober and that, if you’re not, you’re doing something wrong. Thirdly, it suggests you are diseased. This is a really powerful metaphor. Typical responses to the concept of “disease” are revulsion, fear and a sense of contagion and desire to avoid. Disease also suggests something beyond your control – something that has taken over your body or mind that you need treatment or cure for.
Quite a handy idea to promote if you’re a big pharmaceutical company or an expensive detox centre and you want to turn a hefty proﬁt – tell people they’re diseased and they’ll pay you for treatments and cures.
A little while ago, I posted a blog titled: Here's how to make life easier if you want to stop drinking. And, this blog talked about how the picture you paint of what your sober life is going to be like, look like, sound like, feel like, etc becomes your reality. You create your own truth about sober life. If you paint a picture that is like the one described above, you make it harder to achieve eﬀortless, easy and enjoyable sober living because you start to live your life as if that version of reality is true and it becomes hard work. It’s less motivating and it’s harder to sustain.
Use a motivating metaphor - make life easy on yourself!
If you paint a picture that is attractive, you bring that to life instead. It’s more motivating and much much easier to achieve.
So, what could we do with the above quote to change it into something more motivating, something that we’d actually want to bring to life and enjoy living? Well, ﬁrst of all I’d scrap the word disease. I’d probably go for something like riding a bike, rather than climbing up a down escalator. When you ﬁrst start riding, you might need to do a bit of work to learn how to do it properly and to get some momentum going, but then once you get going, it’s easy. And, more importantly, fun! You see some great views when you're riding a bike, you're getting ﬁt, healthy and building your muscles. Also, there’s an element of fear involved in learning to ride a bike and there can be some fear for some people when they stop drinking. But feeling the fear and doing it anyway adds something incredibly valuable to the experience of success when you’ve done it. It gives you an adrenalin rush, it gives you strength and shows you your courage.
I also like the bike-riding metaphor because it can feel liberating when you’re coasting downhill with the wind in your hair. There is also a healthy amount of uphill and possibly some rough terrain to navigate too. But all of these challenges help to develop and train your muscles and set your determination in place. They make the downhills and straights even more enjoyable because you appreciate them more.
I agree that standing still isn’t going to get you to where you want to be, so travelling in some way is essential, but there are times when standing still is important. It’s important to re-connect with your purpose, to check that you’re still happy with your destination and to check you’re on the right route. It’s important to get oﬀ your bike and look around you sometimes. You need to enjoy the journey because your destination might change or it might be a long way away. Some time to stand/sit still and reﬂect is essential.
In the escalator quote, an image of feeding is used and this is good - food and nutrition is crucial for you to have the energy to power the bike. But why feed a "disease" when you can feed your aspirations, your motivation and your future life? You can get hungry for life, for freedom and for living well and you can feed that hunger.
This all might seem like just playing around with words and it might seem unimportant to think about which metaphor is the best to use. But, when you know how powerful your unconscious mind is and when you know that it's going to be believing everything you’re telling it and that it takes the language you use very literally, you can start to understand that how you talk to yourself and how you think about being sober shapes what your experience is going to be. Your unconscious mind will create reality out of what you believe. So, if you believe life sober is like going up a down escalator, that’s what it will be like. If you believe life sober is like riding a bike, that’s what it will be like.
Let me know your thoughts… what metaphor would you use for living life sober? What works for you as a motivating metaphor? You can create your own future now.
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