May 23, 2019
Hi Charlotte, thanks for your response and wow! This is a fantastic example of what I’m talking about. And, great work by the way – I hope you’re giving yourself credit for the choices you’re making and the actions you’re taking. You’re doing brilliantly in the face of some pressing challenges. And, I love that you’re noticing the gains and focusing on them – that thank-you card really is a gift. The more you continue as you are, the more these gifts will keep on coming. The fact you’re batting these thoughts away and letting the impulses go shows how much you’re regaining control. Keep up the good work – you’re amazing! Jo
Another great vlog, Jo 😊.
I can relate to the battle that’s going on in my head that you referred to. I KNOW that I want to be sober once and for all, as a permanent change this time BECAUSE of all the gains.
But I am having moments when I think drinking would be a good idea. Luckily I have been able to bat those thoughts away so far. For example a friend came to see me yesterday evening. I am experiencing a lot of stomach discomfort since stopping drinking, which is a real kick in the teeth to be honest. But maybe a blessing as fortunately I care enough about myself and improving my poor health to NOT add to this pain and discomfort by pouring an acidic toxic poison into my system. But as my friend enjoyed 2 beers over the course of the evening I did have a moment of “arggh, I wish I was cracking open a cider and enjoying it with him”. And had an impulsive urge to go to the shop and get some cider. Fortunately I just let those thoughts and impulse go. The cost was I felt like I would have been better company had I been drinking, more fun, more relaxed (I found it very hard to relax all evening and was quite irritable which fed into my belief that I wasn’t being good company not drinking) despite my friend saying that he much preferred me sober. I must admit I found it hard to believe him.
The gains of having an uncomfortable evening where I found it also impossible to chill, especially after watching tele for afew hours was that I got to bed at a fairly reasonable time and woke up remembering the evening, just my friends 2 empty beer bottles to put in the recycling. I’ll kindly ask him to do that before he goes next time as it was too reminiscent of the big clear ups of the bottles and cans I was having to do each day. I was in a fairly fit state to get up and do some tidying and hoovered my friends car out which transports us and the dogs I walk around the place. So yes I am doing my upmost to focus on these gains. I also received a thank you card from an owner whose doggy I looked after last week end which really lifted me and makes me think it IS all worth it despite the difficulties I’m going through x
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