Oh my god, what a beautiful morning!
Again, I'm sat in my garden watching the sun come up and listening to the birds.
Having woken up at 5.30 this morning, I decided to grab an extra hour in the day to wake up properly in the natural light, to breathe in the dawn chorus and to get some work done on my laptop. I like to combine wellbeing with work!
I've had the busiest couple of weeks... I've been rushing from one thing to the next with very little time for myself in between. I've been feeling stressed at times. I'm behind on a massive list of work tasks and I don't like being behind .
I even missed a meeting yesterday which was right there in my Outlook calendar... I found an email this morning in my inbox asking where I was and if I was coming. I can't tell you what a hot flush of shame flooded my whole body when I realised I had missed a meeting and hadn't contacted the organiser to let them know that I wasn't coming... that's not normal for me and it's a sure sign that I'm doing too much and am getting stressed.
Today, I have a massive list of chores to get through - I have shopping to do, people to meet, an open-water swim to make myself do, and I'm going dancing this evening so it's going to be a late, sweaty night! Then, this weekend I'm picking up a hire van - I'm driving up to Leeds to help my son and his girlfriend move out of their apartment, I'm driving all their furniture and stuff down to Cambridge, helping them unload and driving home to return the van - all within two days... with an ever-increasing pile of emails building up in the background...
I've just had a couple of big days at work that I've had to prepare for - big presentations and training events - plus I've had to add extra working hours into my days to do some consultancy work for other organisations too... I've also had to prepare my end of year accounts and sort out a new accountant with very short notice. I'm doing a six day week which I'm really noticing - I can barely string two words together by eight o'clock in the evening.
Oh, and I'm still trying to fit in doing a workout every other day...
But, I'm not complaining - I'm noticing how well I'm dealing with this busy-ness. I'm enjoying lots of it - the open-water swimming, the dancing, the quiet early mornings, the training events and presentations, my sleep...
The only way I'm able to stay focused, prepared and energised is because I'm sober. The only way I'm able to seize the day and make the most of early wake-ups is because I'm sober. The only way I'm able to make time for swimming and dancing is because I'm sober. The only way I can cope with the shame of missing a meeting and contacting the organiser to apologise profusely is because I'm sober.
These periods of extreme busy-ness come in waves - they ebb and flow. When I was drinking, the only way I could cope with a busy wave was if I cancelled things - the first to go would be the things that were good for my wellbeing and required some effort (quiet early mornings with the sunrise, open water swims, dancing all night). Of course, the other thing I'd do would be to drink away the stress which would mean I wouldn't be getting good sleep or rest...
But now, different story. I'm looking forward to today with all it's activities. I'm looking forward to dancing tonight as a release. I'm looking forward to shifting furniture up and down stairs with my son as an opportunity to spend time with him and to get in an extra workout! I'm even looking forward to getting on top of some work today because I'll be able to tick things off my list and I like to tick things off lists!
Being sober gives me the opportunity to cope better when things are busy. It gives me clarity. It helps me to cope with owning my responsibility for messing up and dealing with it. It enables to me to look after my wellbeing in the midst of a busy wave. It helps me to appreciate the joy and the good when it seems like life is getting a bit out-of-control. It helps me to re-balance, re-set and ground myself.
What is the biggest thing being sober is giving you right now?
