What's different this time?
This time around I feel I have my best chance in remaining sober permanently having spent years on a hellish merry go round of stopping for short periods, getting longer each time, but always resorting back to my frenemy alcohol when life or my personal pain both physical and emotional got too much to cope with.
So here I am. Sober for my 19th consecutive day. And I'm feeling confident that I will never drink again despite the tremendous challenges I face with being sober every minute of every day. “Oh, never say never” my mum wisely cautions me. Worried I'm overfacing myself and I can see where she's coming from having heard me say this each time I've stopped in the past. My sister who usually sends encouragement when she gets wind of my latest sober attempt hasn't bothered this time. Heard it all before.
But this time IS different. I have an amazing coach and friend in Jo this time around. I've been blessed with having regular contact with Jo via email previously but I'm investing in private sessions currently which is a big step forward as I now believe I'm worth get ting that extra support and one to one help from someone who really believes in me, relates on so many similar levels and is a shining inspirational example of someone who has battled through similar challenges as me and come out the other side. I have an email each morning from Jo checking in with me, with a quote and a question or two for me to think about throughout my day. This is so so helpful in keeping me on track.
Tragically I lost a dear friend to alcohol recently. It was her funeral this week and I am still numb with sadness that she's gone forever having fought so darn hard. I am staying sober ultimately for me but also in my friends memory. I will not drink again. I have been very fortunate with my health drinking wise. My liver has remained in good shape by some miracle but that wasn't the case for my dear friend. Seeing her take off her sunglasses revealing bright yellow eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life. The pain she suffered being in hospital for months, what turned out to be the beginning of the end, and now the unimaginable pain and suffering her poor family are living through. By stopping drinking I am stopping that risk of damaging my already compromised body beyond repair and the lives of my family and friends.
I will never drink again because I can't stand suffering one more hangover. So evil I wouldn't be able to function the next day or eat as my stomach would be so messed up. I won't risk getting myself hurt in meaningless one night stands being used by men that don't give a shit about me. Only too happy for me to be so out of it they get what they want then wanting nothing to do with me because I need to “sort myself out and get professional help”.
I will never drink again because I've got too much to lose by ever going back to the booze. It's exactly the same as every toxic destructive abusive relationship I've been in. Masquerading as something it's not and ending up causing waaay more pain than it ever “fixed”. Any relief gained was at best fleeting.
I am determined to find longer lasting solutions to manage the issues I live with. Not reaching and attaining that immediate gratification is so hard and I miss it. Oh I miss getting out of my head and things feeling all nice and fuzzy albeit for that very short time, afew hours at most. But the amount of booze needed to get there and more often than not, NOT getting me there because of my tolerance levels being so hard was scary and made life unbearable to live.
I miss getting relief from my RA pain being able to walk normally and almost pain free but I can honestly say I'm not as in as much pain with my feet as I thought I would be. Maybe that's partly because I'm not having a flare and I'm getting back on track with my weekly injections.
My dog sitting is going the best it ever has because I'm sober. Simple as. Dealing with enquiries, bookings, meet and greets with owners, the demands of looking after the dogs themselves, I can only do it to the best of my ability if I'm sober. And I choose the dogs every time because I adore them and the time I spend with them.
Do I feel lost, confused, scared I'm going to fall off this roll I'm on? Hell yeah. But I've got some incredible people (special nod to you Jo) helping support and guide me and be there when I'm struggling so this time I can say with confidence I will never drink again. Sober Char is here to stay and though I feel completely out of sorts, really quite mentally unwell most of the time, I know it also feels so liberating to finally be free from alcohol and it's destructive hold on me. I have the strength, determination, plenty enough BIG WHYs and the support to see this through. Permanently. Looking forward to what's coming each new day I'm sober and the person I'm becoming xx
IF...
If you want a helping hand to stop drinking and stay successfully sober...
If you want to feel motivated and positive about your alcohol-free life...
If you want to enjoy and feel liberated by sober-living...
AND to do all of this happily and healthily...
Find out more about Coaching Support with Jo.
Stop drinking. Stay stopped. Be free.
